Editor’s notice: The next article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the creator’s personal. Learn extra opinions on theGrio.
Mike Tyson, the 58-year-old former heavyweight boxing champ, is about to struggle web personality-turned-boxer Jake Paul (aged 27) on November 15, 2024, at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas. In case you are even remotely into sports activities, you’re most likely conscious of this. Heck, even should you’re solely remotely into popular culture, you would possibly pay attention to this since Mike Tyson was an absolute popular culture staple of the ’90s and has been out and in of the general public consciousness over the previous few a long time for numerous causes, good and unhealthy. I imply, it’s Mike Tyson. He’s on the Mt. Rushmore of Individuals Named Michael, alongside Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan and Michael Harriot.
It’s…Mike. Iron Mike Tyson. He’s the man Will Smith made a track about (as a part of the hip-hop duo DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Recent Prince) titled “I Suppose I Can Beat Mike Tyson.” There was a model of the online game “Punch-Out!!” referred to as “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!” — Mike Tyson had a online game!!!!
Mike Tyson was so vicious and so highly effective as a fighter that he usually knocked individuals out within the first spherical. Then, he bit Evander Holyfield’s ear in 1997. I’m saying: I really like Mike Tyson however I don’t need any smoke with Mike Tyson. Jake Paul desires all of the smoke with Mike Tyson, therefore their upcoming struggle. And in the course of the pre-fight weigh-in, he apparently stepped on Mike Tyson’s toe, inflicting Mike Tyson to slap the dogmess out of him. Look, Jake Paul took it like he was alleged to. He needed to act unfazed. He needed to fake it not solely didn’t damage however barely made an influence.
I’m not Jake Paul.
I don’t ever need to be slapped by Mike Tyson. I don’t even need to be pushed by Mike Tyson. I want to meet Mike Tyson, shake his hand and say good issues to him. As an example simply how severe I’m about by no means desirous to be slapped by Mike, right here is an absurd however true checklist of issues I’d fairly do than get slapped by Mike Tyson.
1. Bathe in a few of that Nickelodeon slime that used to get dumped on individuals in the course of the present “Double Dare”
2. Eat a bucket of cauliflower drenched in wasabi
3. Stroll on a mattress of nails proper after my toes have been bedazzled with the faces of 10 common Marvel characters
4. Pointlessly and annoyingly name 1,000 individuals by the top of 2024 and ask them in the event that they’d like to modify their long-distance service like I did as a university scholar within the ’90s
5. Write down each refined distinction between the 1977 model of the miniseries “Roots” and the 2016 model
Panama Jackson is a columnist at theGrio and host of the award-winning podcast, “Expensive Tradition” on theGrio Black Podcast Community. He writes very Black issues, drinks very brown liquors, and is fairly fly for a lightweight man. His largest accomplishment so far coincides along with his Blackest accomplishment so far in that he acquired a cellphone name from Oprah Winfrey after she learn one among his items (largest) however he didn’t reply the cellphone as a result of the caller ID stated “Unknown” (Blackest).
